I still have a few minutes left and all our lines are open.
Uh...
- Shall I attempt another joke? - No.
No.
All right, then.
Come on, callers, don't be shy.
Still time to talk with the good doctor.
Five open lines.
Who's this then, Roz?
On Line 1? Uh, whom do we have?
I understand we have Susan who recently moved here from Texas.
Go ahead, Susan, I'm listening.
Hi, Dr. Crane.
I'm new in town from Texas, and, uh, I just left my husband.
I see. And why did you do that?
Well, um...
Oh, I know, he was abusive.
That couldn't have been easy for you.
Well, my girlfriend helped me.
We got in her convertible and drove through the desert.
We stopped at this honky-tonk, I started dancing with this cowboy.
Long story short, he roughed me up, my friend killed him. But then,
we met the cutest cowboy, but he stole all our money,
so we robbed a gas station and blew up a tanker truck...
Yes, I'm afraid we're out of time.
I will finish with you off the air, Susan.
Meanwhile, this is Dr. Frasier Crane saying good day, Seattle,
and good mental health.
Well, thank you, Thelma.
Or is it Louise?
Don't snap at me because you didn't get any calls today.
I told you not to put me on the spot again.
I'm sorry, Roz, but I was desperate.
You know, I... I really think you were closer with that character yesterday.
The young teen who moved into the town that had banned dancing.
Now that, that had the tang of reality.
That was Footloose, you idiot.
Hey, I thought you were working tonight.
I got the night off and I am kidnapping you for the weekend.
Oh, where we going?
My boss gave me his house in the mountains.
It's very romantic.
There's this family of deer that comes right up to the window,
- so you might wanna bring... - My camera. I will.
I was going to say gun, but suit yourself.
Oh, you are gonna love it.
There's this amazing view of the lake. You can see every star in the sky.
Wow, is there a VCR there?
Because I just bought a couple of great old Ginger Rogers
and Fred Astaire movies.
Why didn't you just rent them?
- I did. Last August. - Ah.
Okay, let's get moving. I don't wanna get stuck in traffic.
Sounds good. I'll pack some food.
That was really nice of your boss. What made him do it?
- I put out. - Ha, ha.
That's my girl.
- I hate people. - What's the matter with you?
Perfect ending to a perfect day.
The driver next to me swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel,
running me into a pothole and drenching me in coffee.
I hate squirrels too.
Well, maybe it's for the best.
The coffee might have made you irritable.
My show today was a fiasco.
For the second day in a row we had virtually no callers.
It's getting harder and harder to blame it on Roz.
Well, maybe you fixed everybody.
Oh, wait, there was one caller.
My date for Saturday night called to cancel because I am not her type.
Oh, and, guess what?
Her honesty was not refreshing.
Dear God.
We're out of sherry.
Well.
Insult, meet injury.
Well, here's something that'll cheer you up.
Ronee's boss gave her his cabin for the weekend,
so we're heading up there tonight.
Oh.
Well, staying home alone for the weekend
might be just the thing for someone in my state of mind.
Me and my shadow of a life.
Ha, ha, hey, we're not leaving you at home.
You're coming with us. Wouldn't be any fun without you.
Oh, really, Dad?
I was so hoping that you would say that.
Last thing I wanted to do was spend the weekend wallowing in self-pity.
Leave it to you, to see right through me and toss me a lifeline.
Oh, uh, now, are you sure, Fras?
Because, you know, come to think of it,
there are lots of squirrels up there.
Well, I... I don't mind them in their own milieu.
Oh, gosh, I'm so looking forward to taking in some mountain air
with the two of you. I mean, isn't this fortuitous?
I just had my Tyrollean hat refeathered.
Can I talk to you?
FRASIER: Niles!
Oh, Frasier, I have had the worst day imaginable.
I need a sherry.
Brace yourself.
You always think it's going to happen to someone else.
I've opened some wine, Niles. Help yourself.
NILES: Oh, thanks.
Two of my patients cancelled,
and Daphne and I spent the afternoon
arguing over which diaper pail we would buy for the nursery.
Then driving home, I successfully avoided hitting a squirrel
only to be nearly run off the road by some horn-happy maniac.
That was me, you simp. You nearly killed me.
And what was that crude multipart gesture you unleashed on me?
I had hot coffee all over my hand.
You know what, I do not wish to delve into it.
I am trying to put my own miserable day behind me.
To that end,
Ronee and Dad are going to the mountains for the weekend,
and I've decided to tag along.
Ah.
So it'll be just two wheels and you.
What are you saying?
Well, just that if Ronee and Dad are going away for the weekend,
it might have been more considerate not to horn in.
I'm not homing in. They invited me.
Ah, well, I would never dream of accepting such an obvious pity invite.
Well, you don't have to dream because they didn't invite you.
It happened so fast.
Then he got all excited and I didn't know what to say.
How about, "I was talking to the dog"?
You know, the poor guy's going through a bad patch right now.
He could use a little company.
We don't have to spend any time with him.
Marty, you know I love Frasier,
but this was supposed to be our weekend, you know?
- You and me, alone. - I know.
But, hey, why stop at Frasier?
Why not invite Niles and Daphne and make it a party.
We'd love to!
Thank you, Ronee.
Thanks, Dad.
Frasier.
FRASIER: Morning. DAPHNE: Oh, you're finally up.
- How'd you sleep? - Perfectly.
I was borne off to dreamland by the cooing of a mourning dove.
Oh, I heard that too.
Yeah, I think the weasels are in heat.
Ronee and I are taking a walk down to the lake. Anybody interested?
Oh, no thanks, Pa.
I'm fixing to have me some vittles.
Is he gonna talk hillbilly all weekend?
You should have heard him the weekend of the Renaissance Faire.
FRASIER: See you guys later. RONEE: Bye.
Oh, Daph,
you know who would have really enjoyed this trip?
Niles.
You're right.
- But let's not dwell on that. - Hmm.
- We'll make our own fun, heh. - Right.
Something smells good. What you cooking?
- Sausage patties. - Oh.
Hope they're hot and spicy.
- That's the way I like it. - I know you do.
You're so different from your brother.
- Really? How so? - Well, for one thing, you're alive.
You know, I... I can't believe that there are still people who blame me
- for Niles' death. - Oh, people will talk about anything.
So you sliced him to ribbons with your wheat thresher.
It was your first time farming, for God's sakes.
What did I do with the salt? Hmm.
Maybe I left it in the dining room.
Oh, I forgot to mention.
What's that, dear?
I just had your baby.
I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.
- Oh. - Frasier? I thought you went to bed.
I had a rather bizarre dream.
Really? What about?
Uh...
Well, I'm not sure you really wanna hear about this one, Niles.
Clearly it troubled you. It might help you to discuss it.
You know how I enjoy interpreting dreams.
Mm. Well.
All right. Uh...
It took place in this very kitchen. And, uh...
I was married to Daphne
and we were expecting a baby. And, um...
You were dead and I killed you.
Well, I can see how that might disturb you.
Indeed.
A man of your intellect having such an obvious dream.
I beg your pardon.
Oh, come on.
You're lonely and you envy what I have.
I was just hoping for something more complex.
You know, a staircase leading nowhere
or Mom giving you a physical.
Well, there were many other perplexing details that I left out.
- Ah. - For instance, um...
Well, there was, uh...
A wheat thresher.
And some sausage patties. And, uh...
- Uh, and Eddie was dead too. - Ah, well.
There's a real head-scratcher.
Well, thank you for your exhaustive analysis, Dr. Crane.
Perhaps you should relocate your office to a drive-through
so your patients could speak into a clown's nose.
All right, I'm going to bed now.
I was hoping this book would make me drowsy,
but it looks like your dream has done the trick instead.
You died tragically and no one missed you.
- Oh, hi, Roz. - Finally. Your show's about to start.
I'm sorry. We just got back from the mountains.
You're about to get all the vacation you can handle.
If you don't get a call today, you're off the air.
What? Well, we're bound to get a call.
Why? We haven't had a call in six months.
Oh, dear.
- You're on! - What?
Hello, Seattle.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
Who's our first caller, Roz?
- We have no one from nowhere. - Very amusing, Roz.
What's that sound?
- It's a phone. Go get it! - Oh!
Hurry!
- Hello? Hello, Seattle, I'm listening. - Not that one. The black one.
- Hello, Seattle, I'm listening. - Right there.
Hello, hello, Seattle, I'm...
- Hurry! They're gonna hang up! - Hello. Hello.
If you don't find that phone,
I'm driving this booth off a cliff!
I'm trying to.
Damn it.
DAPHNE: Niles, how's the baby?
Have you fed the baby yet?
Make sure you warm the bottle first.
But not too hot. Should I come up?
DAPHNE: What was that?
Is everything all right up there? I'm coming to check.
Don't forget to burp him. If you don't burp him, he'll cry.
I better do it myself. Here I come.
Is the baby okay? What's going on? I'm on my way.
DAPHNE: He's going to need a new nappy too.
But don't forget your other responsibilities, Niles.
There's lots of other responsibilities.
You have to prioritise. And the baby comes first.
Is he all right? I'm coming up there.
Make sure you support his head when you hold him.
Are you doing it right? I'm coming to check.
Are you ignoring me?
Why don't I hear anything?
Do I have to do everything around here?
Do I smell something burning?
I'm on my way.
DAPHNE: What was that? I better not find a mess.
I have enough work taking care of the baby.
I can't clean up after you too.
Is everything all right in there?
I can't do it.
It's just as well. I'm too tired anyway.
Oh, you couldn't sleep, either?
Just thought I'd fix myself a little snack.
Well, you're entitled, eating for two.
I had the baby five months ago.
Oh. Yes, that's right. I had Roz send you some flowers.
I just have a few extra pregnancy pounds
I haven't been able to lose yet.
I work out every day.
It's really starting to show.
Oh, yes. Well done.
I'll have Roz send you some flowers.
Excuse us.
The plumber has to fix the leaky faucet in our bedroom.
Oh, sure. Go right on up.
Isn't he a clever one finding a plumber at this hour?
Yes, indeed. How fat of you to notice.
- Hello. - Hi, I'm here about the cable problem.
I don't know anything about that.
I'll handle this, darling.
The cable's out in the bedroom.
Well, let's see what you've got going on in there.
Bless him. He's on top of everything around here.
You know,
I really miss playing with Niles.
But he's so busy sleeping with other women.
What did you say?
Have you seen Dad?
Do you still think I'm beautiful?
Dad! There you are!
I need to show you something in the bedroom.
Niles, wait!
Wait, darling, do you think I'm beautiful?
Niles! Answer me!
Niles!
- Are you all right? - How could you?
- I'm sorry? - You better be.
- Hello. - Oh, hi, Daph.
- What are you doing here? - Mm.
I had a nightmare. Couldn't get back to sleep.
That's strange.
Niles had a nightmare too. And I just dreamt that...
Niles? Had a nightmare?
- Mm-hm. - What about?
He dropped the baby and it shattered.
Ha, ha, oh, that's perfect.
Wait a minute. How did he drop it?
Was it from a height? In a crowd?
Was there water involved?
No, it was in the nursery.
Yes! Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, hi, Niles. I understand you had a bad dream.
Yes, it was utterly inscrutable.
There was a table saw and apple pie...
Spare me, Niles. You broke the baby.
Now who has the obvious dreams?
It was more interesting than yours.
Frasier dreamed he killed me and married you.
At least he wasn't cheating on me with the service people because I was fat!
Will you please stop blaming me for something I did in your dream?
So you admit it.
Daphne, Daphne, I will always find you attractive.
Your dream shouldn't worry you, unlike mine.
I could well turn out to be a bad father.
Yes, well, at least you two can face your fears together.
Whom do I have to hug away my night terrors? Hmm?
Oh, boo-hoo. Send yourself some flowers.
I beg your pardon.
That's a rather flippant comeback.
Don't you take that tone with my wife!
Oh, he finally notices I'm in the room!
What the hell is going on here?
Well, Dad, it's this infernal mountain air.
- It's giving us all nightmares. - All of you?
Well,
Daphne dreamed that she was terminally fat.
Niles that he was gonna be a bad parent.
Well, at least mine arose from a real problem,
the fact that I am alone and will always...
Oh, jeez. We came up here to relax
and you're arguing about your dreams?
Well, dreams that reveal genuine anxieties which...
Oh, blah, blah, blah. You're gonna lose your looks?
Happens to everyone.
Afraid you're gonna end up alone? You'll still have your family.
You're afraid you're gonna be a bad father? Join the club.
Now just clam up and go to bed.
You know, I'm starting to regret inviting him up here.
Dad, we're sorry.
NILES: You were right.
Maybe we let our problems get to us a bit too much.
Well, hell, yes. If they're the worst of your problems, you're lucky.
I got a bullet in my hip, a girlfriend who's too good for me
and might realise it any day,
a dog who's pushing 80 in human years
and I'm not far behind him.
But you don't hear me making a fuss, do you?
Know why? Because I focus on what's good about my life.
You know what you people should do?
Let's tell them, Ronee.
Grab your coat and get your hat.
Leave your worries on the doorstep.
Life can be so sweet.
On the sunny side of the street.
Can't you hear the pitter-pat.
And that happy tune is your step.
Life can be complete.
On the sunny side of the street.
RONEE & MARTIN: I used to walk in the shade.
With my blues on parade.
But I'm not afraid.
This rover crossed over.
If I never have a cent
I'll be rich as Rockefeller.
Gold dust at my feet.
On the sunny side of the street